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Ask Your Rabbi
Chodesh Sivan - Tamuz

 

Question #1
My Family goes on vacation every summer.  Part of the trip is the beach ( defiantely not a seperate)  there are obviously issues with Tzniut ( to say the least).  I know the trip means a lot to my parents, I feel really funny, telling them I wont go... Please advise

Question #2
I got a great internship position for the summer, however part of the package is the social PC types of things, like summer parties, pool BBQ's and the sort...... You could only imagine what goes on at these parties.. What should I do to balance being proffesional being PC and social ( which is very  much part of the job) and also keeping up Ruchniut and being in positive environments???

 

Nachman RosenbergNachman Rosenberg

Answer #1
With regard to family, I suggest that it is best to be straightforward and honest: Tell your parents that on one hand it is not the type of atmosphere that you feel comfortable in, yet you are sensitive to their feelings and would like to enjoy the family aspects of the vacation. Ask them if they o.k. with you joining them and not partaking in the beach-type activities. One of three things will happen: 1- They will get insulted anyway in which case there is probably little to be done since it is a greater personality issue. 2- They will be understanding and value their son's honesty and agree to his suggestion. 3- They will be even more understanding and maybe suggest that he pass up on this particular vacation and join them for another time soon.

Answer #2
With regard to work, it is presumptuous for a Ram to answer a question like this. It is most appropriate and practical to get an answer like that from an accomplished professional in the U.S. who deals with this very complicated balance in his own daily life. Simple off-the-hip answers can inadvertently push a boy to choose between Halacha and apparent Parnassa, which is more complicated than a family beach-vacation

 

Answer #1 and #2
Rav GottleibRav Eyal Gottleib

About both questions -they're both obviously assur to participate in,but at least the first one is much easier to find a good solution to,as it's the boy's own family trip and he can ask his parents to change that part of the trip, and also give some alternative ideas of his own. (hiking,a bike trip, some scenic drive/landscape etc.) 

As for swimming, sometimes it's possible to rent a summer home for a couple of days with a private pool and then you make your own private swimming hours....
 Behatzlacha, Eyal Gottlieb 


 

 

Ask Your Rabbis – Chodesh Sivan

Question -

There is a jew on campus who runs the pro-Palestinian group. He is very active in promoting anti-Zionist programs such as Israel Apartheid week, and more of the sort. Because I am constantly fighting against the guy and we see each other a lot on the university 'battlefield', I obviously have hateful feeling towards him. I was wondering that since he is obviously a self hating Jew and promotes anti-zionism and professes his hate and denunciation of the Israeli state, would it be assur to speak lashon harah about him? Meaning talk about the ridiculous things he does on campus, and make fun of him because he is a nut job. We are also not saying good things about him, in fact the only things we are saying about him are the complete opposite. Worst of all he has brought over Jewish followers which I have personally seen a girl this year born and raised in Israel, moved to Toronto a crazy Israeli activist at the beginning of the year, and right after winter break joined the pro Palestinian groups (could we speak lashon hara about her?).

Answer #1
Nachman Rosenberg

I am pretty confident, although not halachikly positive, that it would not fall into the category of Lashon Hara. This is due to the fact that that it is certainly "Letoelet" (for a useful purpose) and is likely to even be a positive responsibility to undermine his credibility. Nonetheless it would be wise to consider the effectiveness of the nature of the negative PR you give him, which can often backfire if it is presented in a cheap or juvenile manner. What I would practically suggest is not email material....

Answer #2 –
Rav Mo

It says in Tehillim “ Ohavei Hashem Sinu Ra” …” Lovers of Hashem (should) hate bad”  Part of loving Hashem is being opposed to anything that opposes Hashem’s presence in this world.  Anti – Zionist, calling Israel an “ Apartheid” country and being outwardly  pro- Palestinian in indeed “RA” Evil, and we must hate this activity.  Yasher Koach for fighting against this activism, and trying to spread love of Israel to all the people in Toronto.  In terms of hate, there is a concept of hating the evil but trying not to hate the person.  As it says in Tractate Berachot “ Yetamu Chataim min HaEretz” it doesn’t say Sinners “ Chotim” rather sins, try to hate the Evil and try to separate the individual ( I know it is hard and I for sure fail at this all the time!!!)  In terms of Hilchot Lashon Hara, I am indeed not a posek to give final ruling , but there is a concept of Lashon Hara being permitted when for a useful purpose.  If the Lashon Hara is necessary to help in uprooting this evil and opposing it, then it is permitted.  One just has to be careful not to go over board and speak Lashon Hara more than necessary.
YASHER KOACH!!!!

 

Questions – Chodesh Nissan

Question #1
What should I tell a friend of mine (that did not go to israel for the year) that tells me that rabbis make things up?what should I tell a friend of mine (that did not go to israel for the year) that tells me that rabbis make things up?

Question #2 
I came across an interesting question today while learning shmirat halashon. I learned that if someone is in a situation where there will be gossip or negative talk about an individual person then you should get out of that situation as fast a possible.
When it comes to college, what should one do if such subjects come up in class, for instance politics, and what should one do if the teacher asks their opinion. Should they say something that may be considered lashon hara? Should they try to avoid the question? Should they say to the teacher 'I'm sorry, but my religion does not let me discuss these matters'?

Question #3
What is the best way to be a leader at one's seder, bringing divrei Torah and and making the seder special.... it seems that everyone will just want to rush to Shulchan Orech!!

 

Answers - Chodesh Nissan

 Rav Netanel Answers:

1) If we put ourselves in that guy's shoes for a second it does seem that the Rabbi's made stuff up. In order to begin to understand and appreciate the complexity of the halachic system, one has to be exposed to it and if someone has not spent extensive time dedicated to the learning, he will not have respect for the depth of the system. I would tell the guy, "I totally understand where you are coming from and why you think that it seems like the Rabbi's made/are making stuff up but once I spent alot of time studying then I began to realize the basis for things that they said and how it all makes sense." If one who knows nothing about medicine is sick and goes to the doctor, it will also seem to him that the doctor is making some stuff up but we need to trust the people who have dedicated years of their life to understanding the human systems. So too when it comes to Torah, we need to trust that the experts who have dedicated years of their life to studying the religious systems know what they ar etalking about even if it seems like they are making stuff up. 

 
2)  To comment about politics in a way that will be constructive for the class is probably not in the issur of lashon hara because it is probably well known already. There is a concept in hilchos lashon hara called b'apei tlasa. This means that if the incident is public then it is not within the bounds of lashon hara. (I just oversimplified the concept of b'apei tlasa so please do not use this as a blanket heter.) However, negativity is contagious. Eventhough something may not fall within the issur of lashon hara, it is best to keep that out of your everyday speech. One should always avoid saying things that are negative even if they are true (if only I was able to follow that). Can you imagine the kiddush Hashem that it is if everyone knows that you will never talk negatively? Many times, I have seen in yeshiva that the most respected guys are not the most boisterous but the ones who you know will never have a negative comment.

3) You should do some leg work before the seder. Discuss with the person leading the seder what the expectations are regarding how many divrei Torah/explanations will be given. This way you may be on the same page and there won't be hostility at the seder itself. You may even want to pre-arrange who will say what divrei Torah at what points of the haggada. Maybe, you can load up the Sulchan Orech part with Divrei Torah and maybe you can stay up after   the seder and talk Torah well into the night.

 

Rav Yisrael Herczeg Answers #2 

Remember, the restrictions of lashon hara apply only to Jews who do not rebel against Torah (won't get into the definition of that right now). That should ease the situation somewhat.

Should they say something that may be considered lashon hara?
Certainly not!

Should they try to avoid the question?
Why not?

Should they say to the teacher 'I'm sorry, but my religion does not let me discuss these matters'?
Done properly, that could be a big Kiddush Hashem.

 

Rav Kwalwasser Answers #1 and #3:

Answer #1
What would you say if someone were to tell you Freud made up his insights about people? Maybe Freud never researched any people and maybe he never ran experiments that revealed the slightest bit about the psychology of man. It maybe true, but it is entirely unfair for a person to express such an outrageous claim  without researching the matter on an educated level. Just like one who researches Freud will see how many experiments he ran and observed, and after reading all of his materials one would develop an understanding of a whole world of knowledge that he was oblivious to beforehand, the same is true if one delves into learning on a serious level. It is rare to find people giving Torah and rabbinc authority the same level of seriousness they would give any other subject matter about which they would express a similar claim. Imagine this was a medical practice about which he is skeptical. He decides to listen half heartedly to teachers talking about the practice or he learns about the practice from unqualified teachers. He then, at college age, decides to write an article about the practice without exploring the issue any further, and submits his "research" to be published in a journal. Would this not be the biggest joke and public display of ignorance? Chazal spent their whole lives understanding the depths of Torah, what Hahem is indeed conveying in between the lines. A person would have to be entirely ignorant of Torah to claim that there is nothing being said in between the lines. After realizing that, one needs only witness the brilliance imbedded in a few of their insights to realize how incredible their insight was. On the other hand, most people today are taught the most superficial explanations of divrei chazal, if taught any. It is critical for a true thinker to research the matter the way any subject matter of this nature would be researched. It is objectionable, offensive and unethical in an academic world to have a pea size knowledge on a subject and yet construct an uneducated opinion on the matter. Again, Chazal were writing for those who were proficient in Tanach. Those who are not are not eligible for forming opinions. The idea of not treating Torah in a less serious manner than you would any other subject matter should be a unanimous starting point.

 

Answer #3 
Most Pesach sedarim are lead in a haphazard way, where each participant eagerly awaits his turn to talk and pays little attention to the next person talking. I therefore highly recommend a practice that we have instituted in our home, preparing a theme beforehand. One person should take charge, prepare a theme topic and a question that will encompass the entire night. Send the question out to all participants of your seder and ask them to prepare something on the topic and request that they do not come prepared to talk about other topics. This seder night will revolve around one topic and one topic only through stories, programs, and real discussion. The seder night is not meant to be a collection of 1001 vorts on the haggadah. Rather, it is meant to be an experience where everyone walks away feeling that they just experienced something incredible about an aspect of Exodus / redemption. If children will be present, then games and programs will be needed. Breaking up in the middle for smaller group discussions on a specific question is also recommended for all age groups. Last year, I even printed out a schedule of the night and requested from all participants to follow and keep up with the schedule. If you engage everyone in the topic, then the maggid section feels quite short. When it comes time to read through maggid, I would again highly urge not to stop at each paragraph for a vort. Preparation and organization make a great seder and experience. b'hatzlacha.

 

 Rav Asher Answers #1 and #3

Answer #1
 
Your friend's claim is way too vague to be able to respond to  accurately. If he meant that not everything that Chazal state in the gemara comes directly as a mesora from Har Sinai, he's absolutely correct. Much of the process of learning in the gemara is the attempt to determine through logic and derivations from psukim what the halacha is. But this is not "making things up". It's obvious that chazal had a mesora about the rules of logic and drasha – a precise methodology of how to come to their answers. It's important to realize that this is the way things should be – when Hashem gave the Torah, He envisioned a partnership between Himself and man. This combination -- the Torah as it was revealed, and the Torah as it was interpreted by Chazal, is the Torah that we learn and love.

Answer #3
There's always tension about how quickly to go through the hagada. People are hungry and children get tired. One thing to keep in mind is that you can continue discussion, divrei Torah, and singing *during* shulchan orech. I have seen sedarim where most of the discussion
occurred during the meal. Perhaps prepare a couple of fascinating questions to pose at some point during the sipur yetziat mitzrayim, and suggest that people think about the questions and share their  thoughts during the meal.
You can also prepare a dvar Torah and song to share during the meal. This way, people won't be annoyed at delaying the food, and will be more open to focusing on Torah.
Whatever you decide to do, speak to your father (or whoever will be leading the seder) in advance, and let them know that you have some things that you would like to contribute to the seder. Unless you talk it out with them in advance, don't expect to be able to change the way the seder usually runs.

 

Rav Mo Answers #3

Long Divrei torah are really annoying at the seder, for anyone…. Dress up as Moshe, and Egyptian, Pharoh, a frog!!!!!  Have a bag of tricks for the 10 makot…. Stories of the Seder!!!  Keep it fun, especially for the kids a the seder, even for the adults.  Stay tuned for Lev’s Model Seder soon to be released!!!

 

 

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Questions – Chodesh Adar

Question #1
Is it permitted for one to learn Torah while attending a class in College?

Question #2
I was invited to a Purim Seuda at a friends house.  I know he will be having girls over, and there will be drinking... I assume the girls would also be a part of the drinking.  Everyone is orthodox and my friend hosting it really wants me to help out with making the Seuda Leibedik.
Please advise me....

 

Answers - Chodesh Adar

 

 Rav Mo Answers:

Answer #1
Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky Z"l was asked a very similiar question.  As Rav Natanel thought Rav Kaminetsky felt learning Torah secretly during college classes is inapropriate.  Rav Yaakov z"l explained, it's a matter of shleimut.  If a person Will sit in a math class learning mshna Berura under the table he is not giving shleimut to the Torah learning nor to the math class.  Not that the math class has so much value, rather it is poor chinuch for oneself to not give something one is involved in 100%.  Chassidim once asked Chassidim of , I believe the Kotzker, "What is you Rebb's big thing"??  The Chassidim answered "whatever he in involved with is his big thing"!!!   We should give shleimut to everything we are involved with.  The Gerrer Rebbe once commented, how come the " Chilonim" are so succesful with seculerizing thier society?? He answered, because they give it their total effort to be secular!!  Hashem should help us give all of our efforts to be heilig and to have a passion towards every aspect of Avodat Hashem!!! Amen.

Answer #2
Drinking on Purim should be treated with great care and holiness.  It is not a time for just partying, it is an opportunity for higher levels of Avodat Hashem.  Drinking and driving don't mix, girls and drinking do not mix!!  In fact the Gemarah says " Chayav Inish Lebesumei"

We learn from there Inish, a man but not a women. If you feel, you want to " help" out bringing Ruach to a Seuda, do it without drinking.   On a separate note the Netivot Shalom points out, " Chayav Inish Lebesumei Bepuriah"  Literally translated as one should become intoxicated with Purim.  Meaning, we should become intoxicated with the Mitzvot of Purim, the Mishloach Manot, giving to people we normally would not be friendly with, Kriyat Hamegillah , seeing Hashem's name clearly in this world, something which can be difficult on a regular day.  Matanot Leevionim, no cheshbonot of who to give to , just give.... this is the highest level of intoxication... one does not have to act stupid or be extra wild one should use the mitzvot of Purim to become intoxicated, wine is only one aspect of this Mitzvah. 

 

 Rav Netanel Answers:

Answer #1 
Although it sounds like a good thing to do, in my humble opinion it is quite inappropriate. Whenever anyone is standing in front of you and speaking, you should give him full attention. The disrespect given to a teacher by doing something else during a lecture is a chillul Hashem. If you feel that right now, your avodas Hashem calls for being in college then you should perform the avodas Hashem with lev shaleim and integrity. Use the opportunity to show non-Jews that Jews excel at giving other people common respect.

Answer #2
It sounds to me like girls and alcohol at a party together may be the very reason why we got into trouble during the times leading up to  Purim in the first place (see Achashveirosh's party at the beginning of the megilla). Purim is a day of kedusha and the seuda should be leibedik, but to mix the alcohol and girls is worse than mixing what you are drinking. Even if the girls are not drinking, you should still not go.

I thought that maybe your friend is making a seuda for kiruv purposes in which case maybe we should allow it because otherwise these people would not experience Purim. As noble as the cause (and you may want to consider finding an all boy kiruv seuda), the damage is still too great. Organize two separate seudas.     

Please find the most kadosh way to spend Purim.

Incidentally, the yeshiva would like to invite all the alumni to the yeshiva for Purim. Please RSVP by Rosh Chodesh Adar (February 18th).