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Ask Your Rabbi
Chodesh Sivan - Tamuz
Question #1
My Family goes on vacation every summer. Part
of the trip is the beach ( defiantely not a seperate) there
are obviously issues with Tzniut ( to say the least). I
know the trip means a lot to my parents, I feel really
funny, telling them I wont go... Please advise
Question #2
I got a great internship position for the summer, however
part of the package is the social PC types of things,
like summer parties, pool BBQ's and the sort......
You could only imagine what goes on at these parties..
What should I do to balance being proffesional being
PC and social ( which is very much part of
the job) and also keeping up Ruchniut and being in
positive environments???
 Nachman Rosenberg
Answer #1
With regard to family, I suggest that it is best to
be straightforward and honest: Tell your parents
that on one hand it is not the type of atmosphere
that you feel comfortable in, yet you are sensitive
to their feelings and would like to enjoy the family
aspects of the vacation. Ask them if they o.k. with
you joining them and not partaking in the beach-type
activities. One of three things will happen: 1- They
will get insulted anyway in which case there
is probably little to be done since it is a greater
personality issue. 2- They will be understanding
and value their son's honesty and agree to his suggestion.
3- They will be even more understanding and maybe
suggest that he pass up on this particular vacation
and join them for another time soon.
Answer #2
With regard to work, it is presumptuous for a Ram to
answer a question like this. It is most appropriate
and practical to get an answer like that from an
accomplished professional in the U.S. who deals with
this very complicated balance in his own daily life.
Simple off-the-hip answers can inadvertently push
a boy to choose between Halacha and apparent Parnassa,
which is more complicated than a family beach-vacation
Answer #1 and #2
 Rav Eyal Gottleib
About both questions -they're both obviously assur
to participate in,but at least the first one is much
easier to find a good solution to,as it's the boy's
own family trip and he can ask his parents to change
that part of the trip, and also give some alternative
ideas of his own. (hiking,a bike trip, some scenic
drive/landscape etc.)
As for swimming, sometimes it's possible to rent
a summer home for a couple of days with a private pool
and then you make your own private swimming hours....
Behatzlacha, Eyal Gottlieb
Ask Your Rabbis – Chodesh Sivan
Question -
There is a jew on campus who runs the pro-Palestinian
group. He is very active in promoting anti-Zionist
programs such as Israel Apartheid week, and more of
the sort. Because I am constantly fighting against
the guy and we see each other a lot on the university
'battlefield', I obviously have hateful feeling towards
him. I was wondering that since he is obviously a self
hating Jew and promotes anti-zionism and professes
his hate and denunciation of the Israeli state, would
it be assur to speak lashon harah about him?
Meaning talk about the ridiculous things he does on
campus, and make fun of him because he is a nut job.
We are also not saying good things about him, in fact
the only things we are saying about him are the complete
opposite. Worst of all he has brought over Jewish followers
which I have personally seen a girl this year born
and raised in Israel, moved to Toronto a crazy Israeli
activist at the beginning of the year, and right after
winter break joined the pro Palestinian groups (could
we speak lashon hara about her?).
Answer #1
Nachman Rosenberg
I am pretty confident, although not halachikly positive,
that it would not fall into the category of Lashon
Hara. This is due to the fact that that it is certainly "Letoelet" (for
a useful purpose) and is likely to even be a positive
responsibility to undermine his credibility. Nonetheless
it would be wise to consider the effectiveness of the
nature of the negative PR you give him, which can often
backfire if it is presented in a cheap or juvenile
manner. What I would practically suggest is not email
material....
Answer #2 – 
Rav Mo
It says in Tehillim “ Ohavei Hashem Sinu Ra” …” Lovers
of Hashem (should) hate bad” Part of loving Hashem
is being opposed to anything that opposes Hashem’s
presence in this world. Anti – Zionist, calling Israel
an “ Apartheid” country and being outwardly pro- Palestinian
in indeed “RA” Evil, and we must hate this activity.
Yasher Koach for fighting against this activism, and
trying to spread love of Israel to all the people in
Toronto. In terms of hate, there is a concept of hating
the evil but trying not to hate the person. As it
says in Tractate Berachot “ Yetamu Chataim min HaEretz”
it doesn’t say Sinners “ Chotim” rather sins, try to
hate the Evil and try to separate the individual (
I know it is hard and I for sure fail at this all the
time!!!) In terms of Hilchot Lashon Hara, I am indeed
not a posek to give final ruling , but there is a concept
of Lashon Hara being permitted when for a useful purpose.
If the Lashon Hara is necessary to help in uprooting
this evil and opposing it, then it is permitted. One
just has to be careful not to go over board and speak
Lashon Hara more than necessary.
YASHER KOACH!!!!
Questions – Chodesh Nissan
Question #1
What should I tell a friend of mine (that did
not go to israel for the year) that tells me that rabbis
make things up?what should I tell a friend of mine
(that did not go to israel for the year) that tells
me that rabbis make things up?
Question #2
I came across an interesting question today
while learning shmirat halashon. I learned that if
someone is in a situation where there will be gossip
or negative talk about an individual person then
you should get out of that situation as fast a possible.
When it comes to college, what should one
do if such subjects come up in class, for instance
politics, and what should one do if the teacher asks
their opinion. Should they say something that may
be considered lashon hara? Should they try to avoid
the question? Should they say to the teacher 'I'm
sorry, but my religion does not let me discuss these
matters'?
Question #3
What is the best
way to be a leader at one's seder, bringing divrei
Torah and and
making the seder special.... it seems that everyone
will just want to rush to Shulchan Orech!!
Answers
- Chodesh Nissan
 Rav Netanel Answers:
1) If we put ourselves
in that guy's shoes for a second it does seem that
the Rabbi's made stuff up. In order to begin to
understand and appreciate the complexity of the halachic system, one has
to be exposed to it and if someone has not spent
extensive time dedicated to the learning, he will
not have respect for the depth of the system. I would
tell the guy, "I totally understand where you
are coming from and why you think that it seems
like the Rabbi's made/are making stuff up but
once I spent alot of time studying then I began to
realize the basis for things that they said and how
it all makes sense." If one who knows nothing
about medicine is sick and goes to the doctor, it
will also seem to him that the doctor is making some
stuff up but we need to trust the people who have
dedicated years of their life to understanding the
human systems. So too when it comes to Torah, we
need to trust that the experts who have dedicated
years of their life to studying the religious systems
know what they ar etalking about even if it seems
like they are making stuff up.
2) To comment about politics in a way that will be constructive
for the class is probably not in the issur of lashon hara because it is probably
well known already. There is a concept in hilchos lashon hara called b'apei tlasa. This
means that if the incident is public then it is not within the bounds of lashon
hara. (I just oversimplified the concept of b'apei tlasa so please do not use
this as a blanket heter.) However, negativity is contagious. Eventhough
something may not fall within the issur of lashon hara, it is best to keep
that out of your everyday speech. One should always avoid saying things
that are negative even if they are true (if only I was able to follow that).
Can you imagine the kiddush Hashem that it is if everyone knows that you will
never talk negatively? Many times, I have seen in yeshiva that the most respected
guys are not the most boisterous but the ones who you know will never have a
negative comment.
3) You should do some leg work before
the seder. Discuss with the person leading the seder
what the expectations are regarding how many divrei
Torah/explanations will be given. This way you may
be on the same page and there won't be hostility
at the seder itself. You may even want to pre-arrange
who will say what divrei Torah at what points of
the haggada. Maybe, you can load up the Sulchan Orech
part with Divrei Torah and maybe you can stay up
after the seder and talk Torah well
into the night.
Rav Yisrael Herczeg Answers #2
Remember, the restrictions of lashon hara apply only to Jews
who do not rebel against Torah (won't get into the definition of that
right now). That should ease the situation somewhat.
Should they say something that may be
considered lashon hara?
Certainly not!
Should they try to avoid the question?
Why not?
Should they say to the teacher 'I'm sorry,
but my religion does not let me discuss these matters'?
Done properly, that could be a big Kiddush
Hashem.
 Rav Kwalwasser Answers #1 and #3:
Answer #1
What would you say if someone were to tell
you Freud made up his insights about people? Maybe
Freud never researched any people and maybe he never
ran experiments that revealed the slightest bit about
the psychology of man. It maybe true, but it is entirely
unfair for a person to express such an outrageous claim without
researching the matter on an educated level. Just
like one who researches Freud will see how many experiments
he ran and observed, and after reading all of his materials
one would develop an understanding of a whole world
of knowledge that he was oblivious to beforehand, the
same is true if one delves into learning on a serious
level. It is rare to find people giving Torah
and rabbinc authority the same level of seriousness
they would give any other subject matter about which
they would express a similar claim. Imagine this
was a medical practice about which he is
skeptical. He decides to listen half heartedly to teachers
talking about the practice or he learns about
the practice from unqualified teachers. He then, at
college age, decides to write an article about the
practice without exploring the issue any further, and
submits his "research" to be published in
a journal. Would this not be the biggest joke
and public display of ignorance? Chazal spent
their whole lives understanding the depths of Torah,
what Hahem is indeed conveying in between the
lines. A person would have to be entirely ignorant
of Torah to claim that there is nothing being said
in between the lines. After realizing that, one needs
only witness the brilliance imbedded in a few
of their insights to realize how incredible their
insight was. On the other hand, most people today are
taught the most superficial explanations of divrei
chazal, if taught any. It is critical for a true
thinker to research the matter the way any subject
matter of this nature would be researched. It is objectionable,
offensive and unethical in an academic world to have
a pea size knowledge on a subject and yet construct
an uneducated opinion on the matter. Again, Chazal
were writing for those who were proficient in Tanach.
Those who are not are not eligible for forming opinions.
The idea of not treating Torah in a less serious
manner than you would any other subject matter should
be a unanimous starting point.
Answer #3
Most Pesach sedarim are lead
in a haphazard way, where each participant eagerly
awaits his turn to talk and pays little attention to
the next person talking. I therefore highly recommend
a practice that we have instituted in our home, preparing
a theme beforehand. One person should take charge,
prepare a theme topic and a question that will encompass
the entire night. Send the question out to all participants
of your seder and ask them to prepare something on
the topic and request that they do not come prepared
to talk about other topics. This seder night will revolve
around one topic and one topic only through stories,
programs, and real discussion. The seder night is not
meant to be a collection of 1001 vorts on the haggadah.
Rather, it is meant to be an experience where everyone
walks away feeling that they just experienced something
incredible about an aspect of Exodus / redemption.
If children will be present, then games and programs
will be needed. Breaking up in the middle for
smaller group discussions on a specific question
is also recommended for all age groups. Last year,
I even printed out a schedule of the night and requested
from all participants to follow and keep up with the
schedule. If you engage everyone in the topic, then
the maggid section feels quite short. When it comes
time to read through maggid, I would again highly urge
not to stop at each paragraph for a vort. Preparation
and organization make a great seder and experience.
b'hatzlacha.
 Rav Asher Answers #1 and #3
Answer #1
Your friend's claim is way too vague to be able to respond to accurately. If
he meant that not everything that Chazal state in the gemara comes directly as
a mesora from Har Sinai, he's absolutely correct. Much of the process of learning
in the gemara is the attempt to determine through logic and derivations from
psukim what the halacha is. But this is not "making things up". It's
obvious that chazal had a mesora about the rules of logic and drasha – a precise
methodology of how to come to their answers. It's important to realize that
this is the way things should be – when Hashem gave the Torah, He envisioned
a partnership between Himself and man. This combination -- the Torah as it was
revealed, and the Torah as it was interpreted by Chazal, is the Torah that we
learn and love.
Answer #3
There's always tension about how quickly to go through the hagada. People are
hungry and children get tired. One thing to keep in mind is that you can continue
discussion, divrei Torah, and singing *during* shulchan orech. I have seen sedarim
where most of the discussion
occurred during the meal. Perhaps prepare a couple of fascinating questions to
pose at some point during the sipur yetziat mitzrayim, and suggest that people
think about the questions and share their thoughts during the meal.
You can also prepare a dvar Torah and song to share during the meal. This way,
people won't be annoyed at delaying the food, and will be more open to focusing
on Torah.
Whatever you decide to do, speak to your father (or whoever will be leading the
seder) in advance, and let them know that you have some things that you would
like to contribute to the seder. Unless you talk it out with them in advance,
don't expect to be able to change the way
the seder usually runs.
Rav Mo Answers
#3
Long Divrei torah are really annoying at the
seder, for anyone…. Dress up as Moshe, and Egyptian,
Pharoh, a frog!!!!! Have a bag of tricks for the 10
makot…. Stories of the Seder!!! Keep it fun, especially
for the kids a the seder, even for the adults. Stay
tuned for Lev’s Model Seder soon to be released!!!
- - - - -
Questions – Chodesh Adar
Question #1
Is it permitted for one to learn Torah while attending a class
in College?
Question #2
I was invited to a Purim Seuda at a friends house. I know
he will be having girls over, and there will be drinking... I assume
the girls would also be a part of the drinking. Everyone is
orthodox and my friend hosting it really wants me to help out
with making the Seuda Leibedik.
Please advise me....
Answers - Chodesh Adar
Rav
Mo Answers:
Answer #1
Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky Z"l was
asked a very similiar question. As Rav
Natanel thought Rav Kaminetsky felt
learning Torah secretly during college classes is
inapropriate. Rav Yaakov z"l explained,
it's a matter of shleimut. If a person Will
sit in a math class learning mshna Berura under the
table he is not giving shleimut to the Torah learning
nor to the math class. Not that the math class
has so much value, rather it is poor chinuch for
oneself to not give something one is involved in
100%. Chassidim once asked Chassidim of ,
I believe the Kotzker, "What
is you Rebb's big thing"?? The Chassidim
answered "whatever he in involved with is his
big thing"!!! We should give shleimut
to everything we are involved with. The Gerrer
Rebbe once commented, how come the " Chilonim" are
so succesful with seculerizing thier society?? He
answered, because they give it their total effort
to be secular!! Hashem should help us give
all of our efforts to be heilig and to have a passion
towards every aspect of Avodat Hashem!!! Amen.
Answer #2
Drinking on Purim should be treated with great care
and holiness. It is not a time for just partying, it is an
opportunity for higher levels of Avodat Hashem. Drinking and
driving don't mix, girls and drinking do not mix!! In fact
the Gemarah says " Chayav Inish Lebesumei"
We learn from there Inish, a man but not a women. If you
feel, you want to " help" out bringing Ruach
to a Seuda, do it without drinking. On a separate note
the Netivot Shalom points out, " Chayav
Inish Lebesumei Bepuriah" Literally translated as
one should become intoxicated with Purim. Meaning, we should
become intoxicated with the Mitzvot of Purim, the Mishloach Manot,
giving to people we normally would not be friendly with, Kriyat Hamegillah
, seeing Hashem's name clearly in this world, something which can
be difficult on a regular day. Matanot Leevionim, no cheshbonot
of who to give to , just give.... this is the highest level of intoxication...
one does not have to act stupid or be extra wild one should use the
mitzvot of Purim to become intoxicated, wine is only one aspect of
this Mitzvah.
Rav
Netanel Answers:
Answer #1
Although it sounds like a good thing to do, in my humble
opinion it is quite inappropriate. Whenever anyone is standing
in front of you and speaking, you should give him full attention.
The disrespect given to a teacher by doing something else during
a lecture is a chillul Hashem. If you feel
that right now, your avodas Hashem calls for being in college then
you should perform the avodas Hashem with lev shaleim and integrity. Use
the opportunity to show non-Jews that Jews excel at giving other
people common respect.
Answer #2
It sounds to me like girls and alcohol at a party together
may be the very reason why we got into trouble during the times
leading up to Purim in the first place (see Achashveirosh's
party at the beginning of the megilla). Purim is a day of kedusha
and the seuda should be leibedik, but to mix the alcohol
and girls is worse than mixing what you are drinking. Even if the
girls are not drinking, you should still not go.
I thought that maybe your friend is making a seuda for kiruv purposes
in which case maybe we should allow it because otherwise these people
would not experience Purim. As noble as the cause (and you may
want to consider finding an all boy kiruv seuda), the damage
is still too great. Organize two separate seudas.
Please find the most kadosh way to spend Purim.
Incidentally, the yeshiva would like to invite all the alumni to
the yeshiva for Purim. Please RSVP by Rosh Chodesh Adar (February
18th).
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